tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
