She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
