What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
