I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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