You're completely useless in the revolution.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
