So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
