walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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