So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
