You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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