Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
