totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Randomize
