Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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