so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
