I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
