I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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