How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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