SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
