A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
