She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You can't just leave with hair like that
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
