Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
