The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
