you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
