Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
