i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
