Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
