she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you didnt know i had herpes?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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