Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
