Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
