I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
