He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The air was thick with penises
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
