okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
