There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
