i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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