So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
