I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
