just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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