Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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