So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
