I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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