I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
