I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
