i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My dick has a subreddit
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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