is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
