So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
