Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
