How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
