Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
