clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
