I have demons in me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
