I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
