She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
should my penis look like a turkey
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
